The Wolf Shirt: An All-American Classic

The history of the wolf shirt by Ray 42 from http://stanleyavenue.blogspot.ca

Intro

Wolf shirts. You’ve seen them — they’re everywhere. At the supermarket. The stadium. Wal-mart. NASCAR events. On numerous episodes of COPS.

But are you truly aware of the awesome power that these great pieces of mythical apparel hold? Do you know how much tuffer they make you? Are you aware that your chances of impregnating someone increase by over 700% if you’re wearing a wolf shirt during the time of intercourse? It’s scientifically proven*!

Today, we take a closer look at how the Wolf T-shirt became a modern-day phenomenon and a staple in American fashion … and how it changed the world forever.

Origins

The wolf t-shirt was invented in 1985 by Rick Spindleshank of Jaredsberg, Arkansas. Legend has it that Rick was sitting on his couch watching television, when suddenly — he had a revelation:

“I was sittin’ on the couch, drinkin’ some tallboys and whatnot. Fer some reason, I said to myself, ‘Man. Ain’t nothin’ tuffer than no wolf.’ Funny thing is, I wasn’t even watchin’ nothin’ bout no wolves, neither. Shit, at the time, I was watchin’ Plinko on The Price is Right. But then all of a sudden, I got this idea: I said, ‘Man. I should put a wolf on the front of a shirt!’”

From there, the rest is history. Rick developed the idea and began production, all the while unaware that his idea would revolutionize modern clothing styles for the rest of time.

“So I had the idea bout them wolf shirts, and I couldn’t get it outta my head. So I called up this friend of mine named Slim … cuz, see, Slim used to make these bootleg Hypercolor t-shirts, but see, they ain’t never worked right on account of him stumblin’ across the color-changin’ chemical formula one night when he was tryin’ to cook up some meth. So the shirts never changed color right, and whoever wore them shirts wound up in the infirmary with chemical poisonin’. But so anyway, Slim had a t-shirt machine in his trailer and so I went down and I told him bout my idea and we started drawing up, uh, protocols or whatever and then we made us some killer shirts, man.”

The wolf t-shirt business took off like a rocket. Rick sold more wolf shirts than he ever could have imagined.

The following year, however, tragedy struck Rick’s life:

“Shit, man, one day, some fancy-suit-wearin’ sombitch came by and he said, ‘Hey, man, I wanna buy yer company.’ And I said, ‘Hey, you listen to me, you son of a bitch, Wolf Shirt Incorporated ain’t fer sale, buddy.’ And I poked him wit’ my finger to show him I was serious and everything. And then he opened up this real fancy-lookin’ briefcase, and he pulled out 25 tickets to go see Bad Company LIVE for that weekend, and then he gave me $500 bucks, and so I said to him, ‘Hey pal. You got yourself a god-damned deal.’”

Rick later lamented: “Man I wish I’da held out fer a thousand.”

Cultural Impact

Wolf shirts have permeated our culture at and astonishing rate. It’s been estimated that 1 out of every 3 Americans owns a wolf shirt of some kind*. Scientists also estimate that by the year 2087, nearly half of the world’s population will own some sort of wolf-related clothing*. And during a recent study done at the Harvard Avenue Research Center for Science, it was concluded that wolf shirts will play a large role in human evolution for years to come.

Educated scientist Carl Sanderson had this to add: “It’s proven that women are more attracted to men wearing a wolf shirt then men who are not. So, when choosing mates, women will more times than less choose one who is wearing a wolf shirt, simply because these men are seen as being tougher and more desirable than their non-wolf-shirt-wearing counterparts. As this number continues to rise, more and more people will need to adapt in order to procreate. So, you see, wearing a wolf shirt will not only be incredibly fashionable — it will be necessary as a means to survive.”

With these kind of numbers, it’s difficult to argue the fact that the wolf shirt has permanently fixated itself into our popular culture.

It should also be noted that the Hollywood “wolf-wear” is on the rise. Distinguished actor Peter Weller, of Robocop fame, apparently never leaves home without a wolf t-shirt on. As one urban legend has it, Weller apparently wore nothing but a wolf t-shirt underneath his costume during production of the film Robocop. The same has been said about John Stamos during his infamous portrayal of “Uncle Jesse”, though this fact has yet to be proven.

Nevertheless, the wolf shirt is here to stay. It is often viewed upon by many as a symbol for numerous ideals and values: Badassness. Tuffness. The ability to fight. The ability to punch someone really hard. And most importantly: animalistic sexual prowess. What started as one man’s simple idea has transformed into a status symbol for some… and a way of life for many.

To learn more, visit your local library and ask a librarian to direct you to the “Wolf T-shirt section,” where you’ll find a vast collection of information about the history and cultural impact of one of America’s greatest innovations … the wolf shirt.

*No science was involved in this scientific study.

Three Wolf Moon

Three Wolf Moon Tee ShirtThe infamous Three Wolf Moon shirt will forever hold a place in our hearts and minds because of the explosive attention it received from B. Govern’s review on Amazon (see below). The great thing about this is that there are now 3 incarnations of the Three Wolf Moon shirt: Short Sleeve, Sleeveless and Glow in the Dark.

It seems that B. Govern’s review was so influential that they heeded his advice to make it better and made it glow in the dark. Now imagine yourself in a poorly light nightclub pumping German minimalist techno and fist pumping while simultaneously hip thrusting with your glow in the dark three wolf moon shirt on. Mind blasting!

B. Govern’s Review

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the ‘guns’), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

Wolf Ringtones & The Big Bad Wolf

If you have not seen or heard The Big Bad Wolf by Duck Sauce then shame on you! The video is wolfy and strange but the tune does good as a ringtone.

Now, with that out of the way, we can get on to the best ringtones for your phone. There seems to be a plethora of options on the web for wolf ringtones and a lot of them don’t make the cut because of background noise or poor rhythm. So, I have picked a few of the best ones for you below. All free of course.

  1. Scary Wolf from Zedge.net – basic, single howl with a tasty end
  2. Wolf from Zedge.net – basic, single howl that repeats with alternating tone
  3. Big Bad Wolf Ringtone from Audiko.net – self explanatory

There are also a couple good apps for the iPhone that include wolf howl ringtones such as Wild Calls or the Three Wolf Moon™ HowlTone Generator that will generate a custom HowlTone ringtone for you based on your name. As a bonus, it includes a 25% off coupon for the Three Wolf Moon Glow Shirt. Very cool!

Hot Chicks on Wolves

Today, during my morning routine of internet surfing, I came across a wonderful gem of a wolf shirt on threadless.com. The apt title of “Hot Chicks on Wolves” more or less sums up this shirt nicely but it what it fails to mention is that the ‘hot chicks’ are firing off machine guns and flame throwers, drinking beer and eating barbecued meat! Without a doubt, this shirt is something that you have to see to believe.

By far this is one of the most radical wolf shirts known to man and should be included in any wolf shirt connoisseur’s collection.

*This post is part of Wolfify Your Life, where we bring you the best wolf products on the web.

New Design: Northwoods Wolf

Northwoods Wolf by Laura SandesonFeast your eyes on our new design. It will be known as “Northwoods Wolf” and this one was also handcrafted by Laura Sandeson. Let us know what you think by leaving a comment on this post. Enjoy!

Haiku
In the woods he calls
To the moon majestically
Chilling is the wolf

A new design for Wolf Shirt Wednesday

Let it be known that every Wednesday in March of 2012, WolfShirts.ca will be releasing a new and exciting wolf themed creation.

Dapper Mister Wolf by Laura Sandeson

We would like to take the time to announce our new design Dapper Mister Wolf, which was designed by Laura Sandeson. Four new products have been added to the store. Two varieties for men and two for women.

Note: if we win the Wordans design contest we plan to give away some free wolf shirts in a random draw that includes everyone that “Liked” the design on Facebook. Therefore, make sure to click the Facebook “Like” button above the design after you rate it.

As always, may the wolf be with you…